Attack of the Clones Exposed!
by uruviel1
Summary: What really wenton between PAdme and Anakin. This is a parady of Attack of the CLones, focusing mainly on PAdme and Anakin.


After the attack on Senator Padme Amidala's life, the Jedi council and Chancellor Palpatine decided it was time to do something.  
"She is dear to me, I want her protected," Palpatine informed Mace Windu, who looked as though he was ready to kill something (as usual), Yoda, who was looking as vague as ever, and a couple of other, less important Jedi.  
"Damn woman!" Mace mouthed in Yoda's direction, "always getting into trouble!"  
Yoda rolled his eyes dramatically, "Trouble, she is!" he mouthed in return.  
Palpatine cleared his throat, and raised his eyebrows, "I'm dead serious, you know."  
Immediately, as though on cue, Senator Amidala stormed in, flanked by the insufferable Jar Jar Binks, and her handmaiden, Corde.  
"I refuse to be protected!" She screeched in very un-diplomatic tones. "I feel that I am quite safe. They only ever get to my handmaidens you know."  
Palpatine shook his head sadly as he studied the ranting woman, "I know," he said soothingly, "but it would make me feel better."  
Senator Padme seemed to like this, for she giggled, blushed, and consented. "As long as you give me somebody I'm comfortable with!" She said with a wink. Immediately, she turned on her heels and flounced out, African basket hair-piece scraping the ceiling.  
  
Wordlessly, Palpatine turned to the group of Jedi. "Who is she comfortable with?" He whispered.  
"Any young male," Mace Windu said knowledgably. "You know, I myself could take on the job-"  
"No- you shall not," Interrupted Yoda, who had learned more than he wanted to about as he could read the taller man's thoughts with the force. "Assign Obi-Wan and Anni to her, we shall."  
Mace Windu sighed, envying the two lucky Jedi, "Fine," he muttered.  
  
"Those Jedi people are such bantha poodoos!" Padme snapped, grabbing the glass of nectar Corde handed her.  
Corde nodded obediently.  
"Yousa havesa peoples tosa comes and seesaw yousa!" Interrupted an all-too-familiar voice from behind the women.  
"Why thank you, Jar Jar," Said Padme lovingly. She was the only person who could stand him, for he seemed to bring back fond memories of her queen-hood. Padme immediately resumed her imperious politician mask. She nodded at Corde, who pressed a button that opened a door, which admitted two men in full Jedi attire.  
One, she noticed with a practiced eye, had the potential to be hot if he chopped off the beard, and the other, though good looking had something wrong with him. He had tear streaks running down his cheeks, and his eyes stared at her as though he had seen a ghost.  
"Senator Amidala!" The bearded man exclaimed.  
She knew the voice from somewhere...ah yes... "Er, hi Obi-Wan!" She returned. "And er, hi!" She said to the other man, who was still staring.  
"She doesn't recognize me!" The man cried. Tears began to trickle slowly down his cheeks.  
"Anni?" Padme asked, praying she was right in her assumptions, "My- how you've grown more muscular, sexy, and strong!"  
Anni gave her a debonair grin, and flexed his muscles, "So have you.... Padme," he added with a purr. He made as though to remove his cloak, but Obi-Wan slapped his hand, and gave him a warning look. Shooting a glare in Obi- Wan's direction, he went on. "More beautiful- I mean." He paused. "You know- it's getting hot in here! I need to remove some layers!"  
"OK!" Said Padme happily.  
But Obi-Wan, always Obi-Wan, stopped his padawan with a glare. "Your thoughts betray you!" He whispered in Anni's ear. "Having sex with a client is against the Jedi Code!"  
Apparently Padme heard, for she giggled and moved closer to Anni. "So- what exactly are you guys gonna be doing around here?"  
"Protecting you, senator," Obi- Wan said stiffly.  
"Having se-"Annie began, when Obi Wan hit him.  
"Well- if you" she said addressing Ani, "want to set up camera's in my room or anything..."  
"Oh- that will be entirely necessary." Anni said, beaming.  
"I think we'll have fun then!" Padme said. 


End file.
